Founded in 1963, Valley of the Temples Memorial Park has served the community by providing a place of peace and serenity for loved ones.

Who Should Write the Obituary When a Loved One Passes?

Funeral Home Oahu

An obituary is a thoughtful way to celebrate someone’s life before bidding him or her goodbye at the funeral home. It also serves to inform other mourners of the date and time of the funeral service. There’s no set-in-stone rule regarding who should write the obituary for a loved one. Often, it’s written by the closest family member, which might be a surviving spouse, adult child, sibling, or parent.

However, the closest family member might not feel emotionally capable of writing the obituary in the wake of the death. An obituary can be written by anyone who knew the decedent well and feels capable of writing about him or her. Often, writing an obituary is a collaborative process. Whoever agrees to perform this task may consult other surviving family members or close friends regarding which details to include.

At Valley of the Temples Memorial Park, our funeral service directors in Oahu, HI, would like to extend their sincerest sympathies to your family. You can contact us at (808) 239-8811 if you need any assistance arranging the funeral or if you would like information about our grief support services.

What Blended Families Need to Know About Funerals

Funeral Home OahuEven if you haven’t been to a funeral service before, you probably know the basics of proper funeral etiquette. Dress formally and conservatively, turn your cell phone off, and listen attentively—these are all basic pointers. But what should you do if you’re part of a blended family? The rules of etiquette can be somewhat blurry in these situations. Every family is different, but you can consider the following factors before you decide what to do.

Consider the relationships.
Some blended families do enjoy harmonious relationships with the family of their ex-spouse. If this applies to you, then it would generally be expected of you to attend the funeral of someone in your ex-spouse’s family and vice versa. If your spouse’s ex is the decedent, then it may be appropriate to attend the funeral service to support the children. Regardless of who has died and what the relationships are, it’s never a good idea to attend a funeral when you’ve been specifically asked not to do so.

Remind yourself of the reason for the gathering.
If you do attend the funeral of someone who passed away in your ex-spouse’s family, or if the ex is attending a funeral for your family, both of you should remind yourselves of the purpose of the gathering. This isn’t the right time to discuss pick-up and drop-off times for the minor children, and it probably isn’t the best time to try to make amends if there has been a rift. Express your condolences briefly and politely, and then give the family some space.

Send your support from a distance.
Even if you feel that the decedent would have wanted you at the funeral service, it’s best to send your support from a distance if the immediate family would prefer that you didn’t attend. It’s appropriate to send a flower arrangement or food basket.

Valley of the Temples Memorial Park in Oahu, HI, offers compassionate and respectful guidance to families who face difficult decisions after the loss of a loved one. Our funeral directors work with families of all backgrounds and faiths. Call (808) 239-8811 to discuss funeral planning.

How to Express Your Sympathy When You Can't Attend a Funeral

Cemetery Oahu

After someone passes, timing and distance mean that it is not always possible to attend the funeral services. Fortunately, even from afar, you can offer your condolences and extend your support to the friends and family left behind. If you can’t attend a funeral service, consider these ideas for conveying your sympathy to the family.

Send a Card or Flowers
A sympathy card is an easy way to let the family know you are thinking of them, even if you can’t attend the funeral. Write a personal note in the card to express your feelings and offer your support. Sending flowers is another custom that many people appreciate. Before sending, check with the funeral home to see if flowers are being sent there and that flowers are in keeping with the funeral traditions of the family, as some faiths do not believe in the use of flowers for mourning. If you have a close relationship with the family, sending flowers to their home rather than the funeral home can also be a meaningful gesture.

Make a Financial Tribute
If there is a cause that was close to the heart of the deceased or that matters to the family, make a donation in the name of the deceased person. For instance, a donation to a cancer research group could be an appreciated tribute for someone who battled the disease, or a financial gift to an alma mater could hold special significance for the family.

Plan a Future Visit
It is normal for there to be an outpouring of grief during and immediately after a funeral, but as people return to their lives, the family often finds themselves alone with their mourning. Planning a future visit means you can offer your support at a time when most other people have stopped and the family really needs it.

If you’d like to offer condolences to family who is having a funeral at Valley of the Temples Memorial Park in Oahu, HI, please visit our website to send a tribute or to learn more about the services. You can also contact us at (808) 239-8811 for more information about our funeral, burial, or cremation services.

Preventing Family Disputes During the Funeral Planning Process

Funeral Planning

Funeral planning can be a stressful time, and it can sometimes inflame or even instigate family disputes. Don’t let disagreements cost you and your family the ability to support each other through this difficult process. Use these strategies to reduce the chances of a dispute as you make decisions as a family about how to pay tribute to a lost loved one.

Speak Up and Listen
Communication is key during funeral planning, especially when family members are in conflict coming into the planning process or when they have differences of opinion about things like burial versus cremation or the religious elements of the funeral ceremony. Rather than holding onto your frustration and letting it build, speak clearly about your opinions and why certain actions are upsetting to you, without being accusatory. It is equally important for you to listen to the same feedback from your family members. Calm communication can help you form a team to work together to achieve your shared goal instead of fighting each other on every decision.

Be Willing to Compromise
It is possible that family members have very different opinions about what a lost loved one would have wanted. When this happens, pick your battles and be willing to compromise on things that don’t matter as much to you. Often, rejecting someone’s idea of what a loved one would want in his or her funeral can feel like you are suggesting that their relationship with the deceased was not as important as yours. Compromise so that everyone’s feelings can be honored.

Rely on the Funeral Home
The funeral home can offer a great deal of help and guidance during this process and give families in conflict tips for finding a way forward. You can rely on them fully when you are planning a funeral to take some of the pressures off of your shoulders.

You can help your family avoid these kinds of disputes with funeral pre-planning with the help of Valley of the Temples Memorial Park. You can learn more about pre-planning funeral services in Oahu, HI, by calling us at (808) 239-8811.

Understanding Shiva

When someone of the Jewish faith passes away, shiva is an important part of the funeral and mourning process. If you want to support a Jewish friend who has lost a loved one after the funeral services are over, you may wish to visit them while they sit shiva. This video will help you understand what to expect.

Shiva is a period of mourning that begins after funeral services and burial. Although shiva can last for an extended period of time, when most people talk about shiva, they are talking about the seven-day period after someone is buried during which the family “sits shiva.” They sit on low stools or on the ground as an act of respect and of support for each other in their mourning. Friends may visit the family during this time to offer their condolences and support.

At Valley of the Temples Memorial Park, our funeral home in Oahu, HI, is adept at honoring a variety of funeral traditions. Let us help you with funeral planning and burial in your family’s time of need. To contact us, please call (808) 239-8811.

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